The Fame, the Fantasy, and the Fans' Paramountcy
by Tune4Toons
Summary: Modern!AU — In which Lucina is mistaken for an actor's stunt double of a rumoured porno, Robin thinks he can pick up chicks, and Chrom assumes he's too cool to be the butt of people's jokes.


_Tune4Toons: For the trailer that gave us the Falcon God, the two hot Robins, and the beautiful Lucina. For me being stupid enough to think it's never too soon for an AU. For me being stupid enough to even write this AU. And for the guy who both put up with my fangirl personality and gave me far too many dedications than I deserved._

_Happy birthday, Cam! I'm so sorry. XD __I credit the inspiration to the geniuses I linked on my profile. Yes, I want the first one as a T-shirt. Yes, this story is a stupid idea. _

_27/07/14 Edit: chapter one has been completely re-edited because Pap is a genius and I can't believe I didn't consult her earlier. Prays I didn't fuck it up instead._

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><p><em>~ The Fame, the Fantasy, and the Fans' Paramountcy ~<em>

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><p>Rumours said Marth Lowell would star in a porno. To be honest, Lucina wanted no part in hearing any more of Peach's squealing about the news, but considering Peach was the president of their club, Lucina had no choice but to.<p>

Problem was Peach's source never said what kind or if it really was true, but Lucina figured at best this might be sellable material. Be it a boys love, that was BL Society's area—their specialty. Het sex went to Straight Compliancy, though Lucina never liked talking with their head. But if it was a girls love… _Oh gods_, Lucina thought. _No way we're letting Yuri Nation get good news over us._

Maybe sneaking into a movie shoot was a bad idea after all. Lucina swallowed when she spotted a guard standing in the alleyway where the side entrance to the film studio was, but she took deep breaths, keeping her heartbeats calm. Peach would kill her if she backed out now.

Lucina tucked in her long blue hair down her hoodie and turned on her earpiece. _"Ready," _she whispered Peach who should be in position within the crowd hovering by the front entrance to her left. There they were, fans with faces pressed against the glass as they tried to catch a glimpse of inside. All those gorillas drenched in sweat and even some with T-shirts covered in celebrity faces and lipstick prints.

_What am I doing here?_

A few seconds of staring and Lucina caught Peach smiling back, blonde ponytail hair standing out from the rainbow of heads pushing to get a window view. Even from twenty feet away, Lucina spotted the Marth Lowell buttons on Peach's shirt. As expected considering Peach was president of the BL Society, the club Lucina worked for and the group requesting for new actors' memorabilia.

_"You better at least bring back Marth's underwear or something."_ Peach whispers her back. _"I'll get you those limited edition Link Kokori body pillows you've always wanted if you do."_

Lucina groaned, fists clenched. Of course Peach would bribe her with Link body pillows. She already had the full clothing body pillow, but the limited edition ones had him naked. _Ahh,_ she bit her lip at the thought, but Lucina had no more time to imagine a naked Link when Peach's voice broke through the garbled fangirl squeals.

"Oh my gods, it's Marth Lowell!"

And there was the signal. Sudden silence made the crowd follow where Peach's finger pointed at: Lucina. At her stiff figure with the signature blue hair. It wasn't Lucina's fault she had the same round face and hair as the famous actor Marth Lowell, especially since she wasn't as hard a fan as Peach was. But tuck in her hair, deepen her voice, and fans worshiped Lucina as either Marth himself or as having the best cosplay of him.

Fans screamed and stampeded toward her. A bulge-eyed Lucina ran to the guard in the alley, screaming, "Open the door!"

Peach told her yesterday a plan like this could backfire, but sometimes they got lucky. Like how today the guard panicked from seeing the large crowd of stampeding fans. One girl grabbed one of Lucina's sleeves and she shouted again, snapping the guard back to attention as he opened the door for her. Ripping herself free from the girl's grasp, Lucina slipped inside before the guard slammed the door shut behind her.

One peek at her hoodie and she groaned. "Seriously?"

_"What's wrong?"_ Peach answered from her earpiece.

"This plan better work. They ripped my favourite sweater." The muffled screams from outside told her the guard might need backup to keep the crowd under control, so Lucina rushed to the hallway to her right as far away from the door as possible.

She heard Peach laugh in her ear. _"Lucy, no one wanted to see your bad choice in orange and purple sweaters anyway. Besides, getting in's only the easy part. I have the computer all set in the car, so go put on those glasses I gave you." _

_Do I have to?_ Not that she'd dare to say it aloud, but she already predicted Peach's potential answer, so she sighed as she pulled them out of her pocket and put them on, flipping its switch up as the camera screen reflected off the lens.

_"Perfect! It's too bad you won't let me see you in glasses. Oh my gods, a megane Marth would be amazing. Go find a mirror or something so I can see— or better yet, go to his dressing room and maybe steal __some of his clothes or even see the real Marth in the flesh. Just imagine if you catch him changing or..."_

Sometimes, Lucina wished she could dial down the earpiece, but she needed Peach on the other end just in case. Instead, she just prayed she could get this over with so she could go back to reading smutty fanfiction on her phone.

The first open door Lucina passed held a lounge room where she spotted actress Zelda Hyrule down on a couch. She couldn't help but steal a quick peek at the lucky interviewers who didn't need to go through the trouble of sneaking in. Focus in, and she heard one of the guy with cropped white hair and a purple coat ask Zelda for her bra. _Seriously?_ Despite Zelda shrugging, the first guy's blue hair partner stood up protesting, hands on his waist wearing a coat with one sleeve—

"Those little shits," Lucina said. "Yuri Nation's here."

_"Robin and Chrom?" _Peach snorted._ "You'll be fine. Just make sure they don't see you. P__erverts knows their girls from guys."_

"But you're the one who asked for underwear."

_"And they'll ask for yours if they see you. Hurry!"_

So Lucina continued down the hallway, sweating each time a staff member passed by without so much as a glance. She kept her head low, but spotted a sign pointing toward where they were doing two film shoots: one for the movie "SSB Rejects" and another for "Love Behind the Barracks"—

_"That's it!" _Peach squeals. _"Gods, I can't wait to see Marth in action."_

Lucina shuddered. "You're not the one who has to step in there."

"I wish! Why can't we just switch bodies for the day?" If Peach had been in her place, the plan would've failed right away; Peach as Marth would've looked a little too excited than normal about starring in a porno.

Lucina got her glasses camera ready, taking a few peeks around the corner into the shooting studio. _Peach, you owe me so much LoZ merch for this_.

But a hand grabbed her shoulder and she gasped as it turned her around to force her back onto the wall. A taller figure costumed in a navy-blue medieval garb blocked her from running, and Lucina glanced up. "_Oh gods," _Peach said_._ Lucina stopped breathing. _"It's him it's him it's him!"_

It was him, alright—Marth Lowell himself smiling at her frozen stature.

"What are you doing here?" Marth said with a stern voice softer than Lucina expected it to be, but panic still struck her nerves.

_"Lucy, move! Say something! Anything!"_

"Well, um, you see—" she stuttered, but it was too late. Her cover had been blown. Goodbye, porno scoop. Goodbye, Marth's underwear.

But then he smiled. "Been looking everywhere for you. You're my stunt double, right?"

_Huh?_ Lucina rose a brow, but Marth didn't give her a chance to answer. He grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hallway, leaving her unsure whether to shake his grip and run or ask for his autograph (or for his underwear, Peach's choice). Peach continued screaming through her earpiece and she prayed Marth couldn't hear a word of Peach wanting to touch him. Instead, Marth forced her into a third option: staying quiet until he brought her to a door labelled "Costume Room."

"We're behind schedule," Marth said. "It's bad enough they mixed up the schedules for action and porn movies, but their rooms and costumes too, so get changed quickly. Ike's been waiting to get started for a while."

_"_The_ Ike Greil?"_ Peach echoed her thoughts. But he opened the door without answering and Lucina gasped, almost forgetting the reason why she snuck into the studio to begin with.

The first sight she noticed were two actors standing between three rows of costume racks stretching to the end of the room. Her first glance fell to her left. There was Ike Greil, first row to the left closest to the door, with his blue hair tied back and his shirt off—

_"Lucy, you lucky bastard!"_ Peach said. "_You don't even deserve those body pillows, honestly. Stop drooling and get them talking. The scoop, remember? The scoop!"_

But she ignored Peach's protests in favour of her sight to the right. Lucina's cheeks heated up. Link Kokori, her favourite actor of all time, started walking toward her. Slim figure, blond hair tied back, green tunic tight-fitted to his chest as he pulled on a pair of tights over those calf muscles.

"Am I the only one hearing a faint girl's voice right now?" Link asked. Gods, so this was what his real voice sounded like. All the movies he starred in only had him grunt and screech like a little girl.

Ike chuckled after slipping on a navy tunic. "You're probably imagining it. Speaking of girls—" Ike walked up to Lucina and stared her down, gaze switching between her and Marth, "—did they hire a female stunt double for you again?"

Then Marth ended up staring down at her too. "You're a girl?"

Lucina swallowed, trying to muster as calm and deep a voice as she could. "What makes you say that?" But she choked into a squeak because Link was standing right there in front of her and she was looking really stupid right now.

Ike bent down and whispered in her ear. "Your chest is sticking out."

"Excuse me?" Lucina glanced at herself. No way he could've seen it. Her baggy hoodie hid everything, even the padded bra she wore to make her chest look bigger.

"I'm kidding," Ike said, laughing while Lucina's cheeks burned, "but considering you have no bulge down under, it was worth a shot." While her mouth fell agape, stuck between wanting to kick his balls or stab him with the closest pointy object, Ike started rubbing her head. "A female Marth though, how cute. Right, Link?"

Marth stepped in to take his hands off her. "Ike, stop it." But Ike then proceeded to rub Marth's head instead despite his protests.

"Too bad Marth's not a girl too, right femme Marth?"

But Lucina only stood there while Peach squealed in her ear. "_The OTP is real_._ Suck it, Yuri Nation!"_

Just before Ike walked himself out of the costume room with Marth, he shoved a navy-blue medieval garb in Lucina's hands. "Get changed and meet us at the shooting room, femme Marth. Scene's gonna get hot and heavy," he winked, "so we'll need you there fast."

And upon hearing Peach squeal once more in her ear, Lucina couldn't help but swallow, though the two had already left by the time she could get her heart to calm down. That was Ike Greil she got to talk to, the actor who played in all of Peach's favourite movies. What did Peach see in him? After what just happened, he was now at the bottom of Lucina's fan list.

"You're Marth's stunt double?" Link called out from behind. Lucina turned around and found him extending a hand out to her. "Good luck with that. Last time they had a female stunt double, Ike had his hands all over her bra when they accidentally tripped backwards during a fight scene— but you'll be fine," Link quickly added when Lucina gripped his hand too tightly. "Don't be nervous."

_I'm actually shaking Link Kokori's hand._ Despite the shock of being able to shake her top favourite actor's hand of at least five movies she had fawned over for years, she shoved the fangirl side out of her head._ Focus, Lucina. Only two tasks and you can get out of here_. She still had to get changed and assume the role as a stunt double. "Is it alright if you step out for a bit?" Lucina said.

"Why? Just change and I can take you to—" Link paused. "Oh, sorry. So used to seeing naked girls I—" Lucina felt her throat clog up. "No, don't worry. I've see a lot of naked guys too— I mean," but Lucina's wide eyes only caused Link to awkwardly shuffle back and chuckle. "I should shut up now. You go get changed then."

Peach burst out laughing once Link shut the door behind him._ "Maybe Link secretly works for Yuri Nation."_ Lucina in the meantime was ready to take off her earpiece and stomp on it, Peach still laughing in the background. _"Okay, I admit Link's cute, but see? I told you this job wasn't too bad after all, you lucky bastard. Marth, Ike, _and_ Link. People would kill to be in your place."_

"Why didn't you tell me Link Kokori was going to be here too?"

_"Because then you'd forget why you're here. Porno, Lucy. And underwear! Quick, change and search the room!"_

So Lucina went to work; phone out, she made sure to stop at every costume rack in the room, Peach probably taking screenshots from her end through the glasses camera, and Lucina silently fist pumping to herself when she found Marth's section of outfits in the back right corner. What surprised her the most was none of the costumes had anything she'd consider "kink worthy." No underwear, no tight-fitted or button-up shirts, no whips or chains—did chain mail count? Guess the belts and sword sheaths could work, the tights too, but the rest of the rack only had tunics and armour.

Couldn't underestimate the porn industry though. The other racks like Ike's and Link's had short shorts and loose fitted tops, but those weren't enough. She'd need photos of the film shooting itself if she wanted anything solid.

A knock at the door led to Link's muffled voice asking, "You done yet?"

"Give me a few more minutes." Quickly changing into her costume, glasses still on and hair tucked in as usual, she stole a couple shirts and a pair of Marth's tights, stuffing them within her old clothes. "You fine if it's not Marth's underwear?" Lucina whispered to Peach.

_"Are those worn? Take 'em, take 'em, yes!" _

With Lucina's clothes and new spoils bundled in her arms, she rushed to the door and opened it. Despite Link greeting her with a smile, she prayed he didn't notice she stole a couple of his tights too. Some to keep, some to sell. Maybe.

"Wow, you do look like Marth even with the glasses," Link said, mouth agape. "Or maybe he's secretly a girl if they keep hiring female doubles."

Luckily she had that advantage to begin with, so that should get her exclusive access to the action up close. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited. The once in a lifetime chance to witness a porno shoot that would not only make her one true pairing canon, but bring BL Society all the notoriety that would blow Yuri Nation out of the competition! No more days of those guys claiming their fantasies would never come true because when you believed, you could achieve. And not only that, she might be lucky enough to play a part in the—

_Wait._ This was a porno shooting and she was the double.

If she hadn't been sweating yet, she was now.

"Come on." Link pated her back and started leading her feet forward. "Ike and Marth are waiting for you."

She clutched her clothes in one hand and mentally swore at Peach despite trying to contain her excitement, well aware the earpiece could never hear her thoughts. _You better find a way to get me out of here. And you still owe me Link body pillows for this!_


End file.
